Charles B. Snoad

From head to toe
I cover my shame
In baby oil

Close my eyes
And make a wish

I haven’t been this hard
On myself
Since my first crush held me

In the palm
Of her hand

Closed her eyes
And made a fist

I once knew a person
Named Ophelia
She worked for United Airlines
She was a stewardess
Or a flight attendant
She was many different
People at the same time

Ophelia get me to a nunnery
I’m a cloud in your sky
I’m an unruly passenger
With this poem I can’t wait
To share online:

“naked and afraid
up all night
weep all day
Big Brother said
Kilroy was here
watching Big Brother
man versus food
man versus nature
man versus man
god versus god
good versus evil
spy versus spy
poet verses poet
verse chorus verse”

To be or not
To be
Ophelia

A stewardess
Or a flight attendant
There’s no question

This trivial pursuit
Of happiness hurts

I’d rather be a cloud
Or the sun in your eyes

Thesis Antithesis Synthesis
Id Ego Superego
Client Therapist Transference

Cash Credit Debit
People Places Things
They’re Their There

Mind Body Soul
Underactive Thyroid
Overactive Superego

Netflix Hulu Prime
Facebook Twitter Pony Express
Myspace Napster AOL

Anti-Poems Made Of Non-Sense
Like This One Called
Trivial Pursuit Of Happiness

Thesis Antithesis Synthroid
My Reflection Is The Shadow
Of My Not-So-Super Superego

How’s It Hanging?
Little To Left?
Too Far Right?

Low Testosterone
High Blood Pressure
Intensive Care Unit

Rock Paper Scissors
Duck Duck Goose
Skin Tag You’re It

Naked And Afraid
Up All Night
Weep All Day

Big Brother Said
Kilroy Was Here
Watching Big Brother

Man Versus Food
Man Versus Nature
Man Versus Man

God Versus God
Good Versus Evil
Spy Versus Spy

Where Do You
See Your Selfie
In Five Years?

Great News
Your Windows 10
Machine Meets

The Requirements
For A Free Upgrade
To Windows 11

Nothing’s Gonna
Change My World
Across The Metaverse

When You Fall Asleep
You’re LYING Down
Not LAYING Down

Let’s Eat Our Feelings
Bacon Lettuce Tomato
Sloppy G.I. Joe

Uh-Oh SpaghettiOs
Leggo My Superego
Alfred E. Neuman

Ate Too Much
Chuck E. Cheese
What, Me Worry?

Billy Corgan spoke in class
Today he said is the greatest day
I’ve ever flown an airplane
High with Eddie Vedder
Over Wrigley Field
But don’t call me
Shirley Temple of the Dog
During the in-flight movie
Monsters vs. Aliens starring
Reese Witherspoon

Dr. Seuss put Paul Newman’s
Fig Newtons all in one
Basket of deplorables
Next to the incredible edible
Fabergé green eggs and silent
Ham radio of the lambs
So let’s go Jodie Foster lock him up
Tomorrow on The Morning Show
Starring Reese Witherspoon

The Incredible Hulk Hogan’s Heroes
Celebrated Halloween on Good Friday
The thirteenth day of Christmas
When the Grinch lost his marbles
Playing Hungry Hungry Psychos
With Hannibal Lecter
And the Hogan family minus
Valerie and Jamie Harper Lee Curtis
And the star of Legally Blonde 2
And Legally Blonde 3
Reese Witherspoon

Dr. Phil Donahue told Maury Povich
I’m not the father of pop psychology
I’m Ryan Phillippe and I know
What you did last summer in the Ozarks
You laundered the color of money
And killed a mockingbird
Named Marty Byrde
Thanks to your cruel intentions

Cat Stevens was up Schitt’s Creek
Without a paddle after crashing
Eugene Levy’s Chevy
But I said hold on to the night
Because sweet American
Apple pie dreams are made
Of jumbo Dodger Dogs like this
One with red hot chili peppers

Sergeant Pepper told Petula Clark
It’s getting better all the time
Since you’ve been mine
Things will be great
When you’re on Downton Abbey
Say goodbye Norma Jean
Here’s a candle to blow out
Under the bridge downtown
I gave my life away

Billy Joel Armstrong
Sang us a Green Day song
Elton John’s the piano man
I’m Maggie Smith

Little Orphan Annie Lennox
Read a book to Richard Marx
While Daddy Warbucks sang
“Imagine” in the dark
With a little help from my friends
At Central Perk the day
John Lennon died

It’s been sure nice talking
To you but it’s time to put
Little boy blue and the man
In the moon to bed you see
My new job’s a hassle
And the kids have swine flu
But it’s been sure nice
Talking to you Don McLean
Bye-bye Don McLean bye-bye

digitized and downsized
we are the binary selves
some switches on
some switches off

we’re smart shoppers
cyberbullies
all God’s children
of divorce

the cement truck
of concrete reality
Amazon primed
to bury us in debt.

“depressive syndrome characterized by
pervasive loss of interest
in almost all activities
or appetite disturbance with change in weight
or decreased energy
or feelings of guilt or worthlessness”

now I lay me down to sleep
God is great
pledge allegiance to the flag
God is good

if I die before I wake
post a notice
on my blog
in your own words.

lingering between two worlds
neither here nor there
some switches on
some switches off

we twitter while driving
under the influence of text.

“manic syndrome characterized by
hyperactivity or pressure of speech
or flight of ideas or inflated self-esteem
or decreased need for sleep
or easy distractibility or delusions
or paranoid thinking”

I tell myself
not to panic
in front of
the children.

the lord is my shepherd
beautiful for spacious skies

the lord is my shepherd
the bombs bursting in air

the lord is my Big Brother
the lord is the name of my father.

trolls are laughing
laugh out loud

the sky is crawling
underground

laugh out loud
laugh out loud

drones falling
in a forest
make no sound

laugh out loud
laugh out loud

dance like
nobody’s
watching
in the clouds

laugh out
loud laugh
out loud.